Better wasn’t even the word for how I felt. There wasn’t a word for it. It was more that things too small to mention – laughter in the hall at school, a live gecko scurrying in a tank in the science lab – made me feel happy one moment and the next like crying. Sometimes, in the evenings, a damp, gritty wind blew in the windows from Park Avenue, just as the rush hour traffic was thinning and the city was emptying for the night; it was rainy, trees leafing out, spring deepening into summer; and the forlorn cry of horns on the street, the dank smell of the wet pavement had an electricity about it, a sense of crowds and static, lonely secretaries and fat guys with bags of carry-out, everywhere the ungainly sadness of creatures pushing and struggling to live. For weeks, I’d been frozen, sealed-off; now, in the shower, I would turn up the water as hard as it would go and howl, silently. Everything was raw and painful and confusing and wrong and yet it was as if I’d been dragged from freezing water through a break in the ice, into sun and blazing cold.
“Does the sun ask itself, ‘Am I good? Am I worthwhile? Is there enough of me?’ No, it burns and it shines. Does the sun ask itself, ‘What does the moon think of me? How does Mars feel about me today?’ No it burns, it shines. Does the sun ask itself, ‘Am I as big as other suns in other galaxies?’ No, it burns, it shines.”Andrea Dworkin, Our Blood
Break my heart for what breaks yours…Open my heart and make it clean…
To see things unseen.
Yes. Absolutely. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that if you don’t feel lost at 17, you are either a sociopath, a striver or, or … something vaguely suspicious.It’s so fucking hard to be a teenager. It is so hard. I HATED high school. To this day, I have anxiety dreams that I’ve gone back. I still hurt from some things that happened then … and I’m 32.
But please take hope: it will get much better, much faster than you think. Once you leave high school, you never have to go to high school ever again. And you made it through the worst part, which is middle school. From here, the world begins opening itself to you. You feel lost because you are in the midst of a huge sea change; you are becoming who you are, and you don’t know who you are yet.
So don’t think of it as being lost. Think of it as a place where you are for now, but will not be forever. Everything in life is only for now.
Adulting – a Tumbler blog
“Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not.”Paulo Coelho
“Because when you automate a job that has largely been done manually, you make it hugely more productive.” And when that happens, he explained, “prices go down and demand goes up” for the product. At the beginning of the nineteenth century, many people had one set of clothes—and they were all man-made. And by the end of that century, most people had multiple sets of clothing, drapes on their windows, rugs on their floors, and upholstery on their furniture. That is, as the automation in weaving went up and the price went down, “people found so many more uses for cloth, and so demand exploded enough to actually offset the substitution of more machines for labor,”Excerpt From: Thomas L. Friedman. “Thank You for Being Late.”
Feeling you get when one of your favorite nearby malls get to renovate and you ride their brand new escalators and you feel good?