Blank Space

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That’s always been the problem of mine when I want to write. I stare at a blank wall and then nothing pours out of my heart and soul.

Much better if moments ago I was terribly angry or absolutely happy or utterly disappointed. The words pour out in torrents, then stop. At least, I got some words out.

I have always felt writing and words were my calling. Scribbling felt good. It does not dictate to me as work, like an 8 hour shift. But rather a continuous lifetime activity which I savor and could continue to do for as long as I want until sleep lulls me to collapse on my pillow.

I mean, I struggle to create a story structure. I am not the novelist type who can whip out a story at whim. Rather, I am the essay type. The blogger, who wants to blurt out his thoughts for the moment.

Stop first. Get some hot soup to warm the belly. Then, some pasta to fill up this darn food loving belly.

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Ahhhh. That feels good. Now, I’m ready to write again.

I know it will feel good if I can create a story. Not be a blogger this time, but a novelist. Or for a start, a short story writer.

I need guidance when I write my first story. Or, in reality, is it just time, plenty of time that I need?

I am impatient. And if I am like that, I cannot be a good novelist. Great stories cannot be rushed. They have to be well planned and well structured. I cannot create it in a day or two. Maybe a month or a few months.

Well it could be a project of mine if it would take months. We’ll see.

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I would also like to be great. Like these Kennedys. But I don’t want to be assassinated or a target of termination. Or to die a tragic death. Many would cry and they would be unprepared for my perishing.

Great, in terms of creating and expanding an idea into a business. Or improving the living standards of my community. Sounds like a businessman or a politician.

But, always, I want to go back to writing. Yes, I want to be a great writer. Much more than a businessman or a politician. The priority is a great writer with great impact on my readers. Bestselling works. Leave a legacy to future generations.

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Writing requires a lot of solitude. I like the company of people. But when I scribble, I require to be alone with my thoughts. I write better this way. There is this tranquility and therapeutic relief that I feel when my thought are put down on ink. Cannot be bought.

This means I cannot be a novelist because my writing requires structure. More of an essayist. But no, yes, no. Yes. I would like to write my own stories in time.

The life of a writer. That’s what I long for.

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